The five stages of grief can happen in any order, and some people bounce between the five stages more than once before reaching acceptance.

5_STAGES

Sometimes people go through more than one stage at once. Grief can happen even if what we are losing is something we don’t want or need anymore. It is a completely a normal process that everyone goes through when faced with the loss of anything that has become familiar to them. It is even normal to grieve the loss of something that you hate, such as an exhausting job.

Grief is about adapting to life when something is missing. This is the reason we even grieve over things that are no good for us. Before writing this article, I spent a lot of time pondering the reasons why it’s so painful to lose even the horrible things. I thought about the popular statement that there is a fine line between love and hate, and I have always believed this to be true. In order to really dislike something, it must have a large impact on your life. Otherwise, it could be easily ignored, and thought of as nothing more than an annoyance rather than something to be hated. It is the impact on our lives that triggers the grieving process when we lose something or someone familiar to us.

While denial is a normal part of the grieving process, it can amplify the effects of your loss, or cause reckless behaviors and distort your reality.

Anger

I think anger is one of the most unpleasant stages of grief, and yet it can give you a sense of power, especially if your loss is involuntary, or you are losing something that you hate. At this stage you begin to realize that your life is about to change and you are uncomfortable with the discomfort of it all. In the case of the weight, you might mock it for being attached to you in the first place. You may be angry that it never came off sooner, or that you feel weird walking without it. Again, this is a perfectly normal part of grief, and it is perfectly acceptable to be angry about your loss.

Obviously, holding on to anger for too long can create a problem, but so can trying to deny that your anger even exists.

Bargaining

The bargaining stage can be a very healthy thing, because that is the time when you will want to fix the situation. It can also become very damaging if you dwell on something that can’t be fixed. Remember that some things are only weights that we don’t need in our lives. Fixing the rope that the weight was attached with is not always the best choice. Sometimes it is better to just leave it behind.

The reason the bargaining stage can be healthy, is that it causes a drive to get back what was lost. It can happen at any time in the grieving process, and will most likely happen more than once. Anger can be a great motivator, but don’t let anger be at the base of your decisions, unless it will drive you do something good for yourself or someone else.

Depression

Depression  is the hardest stage of grief. If it becomes severe enough, it can completely immobilize you and crush your motivation. It may feel like you will never be happy again.

Learning to accept depression instead of beating myself up for it and labeling myself as “pathetic” or “lazy” has really helped me get through it more quickly. I once heard that depression is anger turned in on yourself, so it made sense to me that in order to beat my depression I could not be angry with myself for feeling it.

Acceptance

Again, acceptance doesn’t mean that it’s all okay. What is does mean is that you are finally able to move on with your life without constantly thinking of your loss, denying it, trying to fix it, or being angry and depressed about it.

It means that you are free to move forward without what you lost, and that YOU are okay.

3 Responses to “ The five stages of grief can happen in any order, and some people bounce between the five stages more than once before reaching acceptance.”

  1. Reblogged this on myrainbowmind and commented:
    I think these are very wise words on grief: “It can also become very damaging if you dwell on something that can’t be fixed. Remember that some things are only weights that we don’t need in our lives. Fixing the rope that the weight was attached with is not always the best choice. Sometimes it is better to just leave it behind.”

    • theboldcorsicanflame Says:

      Totally agree with you even though sometimes we seem to act like masochists and dwell on something that was causing a lot of pain. Letting go is most likely the hardest thing to do but it leads to real acceptance and freedom. If we want to be free…lol Best to you!

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